Friday, January 31, 2014

Change for those who do or a scathing blogpost part I

There seems to be this mentality that exists. It must be some kind of contagious virus because I keep meeting it in all kinds of people, all kinds of places. It’s this mentality that change is something that comes to those who wait. That if I just hope for something long enough it will happen. “Sure I’d like to have a sixpack, but working out is hard.” It’s this mentality that buys bowflexes and shakeweights, that invests in gym memberships that last a month and workout equipment that never makes it out of the box.

This is not the mentality that produces Bruce Lees or Nelson Mandela’s. And it’s so much more than just working out. This virus that affects our minds has spread to virtually every circle that we live in. It invades our lives, tearing down and destroying.

I wanted to wait till next new year to criticize new year’s resolutions, but tonight I’m inspired. See, resolutions for a year are a symptom of this mentality. But what is this mentality? What is this virus that plagues our lives?

It’s the mentality of passivism. It’s a mentality that eschews discipline for sloth, and productivity for instant gratification. And let me be clear, it’s a mentality that I’ve fought as well. There is always the temptation to not do what’s right.

There’s always the temptation that right and wrong only apply to big things. But every day we are faced with a multitude of decisions, decisions between activism and passivism. Choices between right and wrong.

Passivism is wrong. Let me qualify that, passivism needs to be an active choice. The mentality of putting off things we need to do, of not doing the right thing when we need to, is wrong. When we rest it should be an active decision, and the rest of the time we need to actively do what needs to be done.

Let me give an example, I get home from work and see the mess that my bathroom is and think I’m tired from work, I’ll clean it tomorrow. The next day comes, I get home from school and see that the condition of my bathroom has worsened, instead of dealing with it I think I’m tired from school, I’ll do it tomorrow. The next day comes, I walk into the bathroom and see it dirtier than before, again Today I’m taking the day off, I’ll clean it tomorrow. Rest is good, but it needs to follow work. God made the six day work week.

It’s hard to explain, but this is so much bigger than my dirty bathroom. So much bigger than the homework I put off or the workouts I don’t do.

This mentality lies to us, it makes us believe that good things happen to those who wait. That tomorrow we’ll do better. But in our lives tomorrow never comes. Discipline doesn’t come from practicing sloth. Change doesn’t happen by staying the same.

Back to new year’s resolutions. I’m all for making resolutions for change. But what I see with new year’s resolutions is this. Step 1, make a resolution. Step 2, break resolution within a month. Step 3, spend rest of the year ignoring resolution because I tried, and NEXT YEAR, I’ll do better. The only thing is, “next year” is as elusive as “tomorrow”. The only time change happens is today. I’m all for, when we break a resolution, to IMMEDIATELY get up and try harder. This is why I make life resolutions, resolutions that I break all the time. But I try again because I’m committed to those ideals and I’m not going to put off for a year what needs to be done today.

Back to bowflexes. This mentality teaches us that hard work is to be eschewed, we don’t have to work hard for anything. See, I watched the infomercial, the guy used a bowflex and got ripped. I don’t have to work out, just buy a bowflex. (Note, I actually have no idea how good bowflexes are, I’ve never used one.) I don’t have to study, I’ll just guess.

But the sad happy reality of life is this, all things worth having are worth working for. And pretty much everything worth having requires hard work to get. The difference between them and you isn’t genes or birthplace or fate. It’s discipline. Even the most cursory scan of history will reveal that many of the most influential people in the world faced some of the toughest obstacles.

Every day those people got up and faced this option: press on or give up. Every time they pressed on, because those who didn’t, history forgot them as they deserved. Okay, the every time above may be hyperbolic, failure happens, but when it does, we’re faced with that option again: press on or give up. Don’t be defined by giving up.

My brother (who has a blog here) recently told me that he’s committing to getting things done, to not putting them off (to help him with this he put a sign that says “discipline” on his wall). This resonated with me and I recommitted to the same idea. I urge you to do the same. The answer isn’t to wait until next week when work slows down, next May when school ends, next year when life will be different, the answer is to change today.

Today. Decide who you want to be and take the necessary steps to become that person. Someone (possibly Mahatma Gandhi) said “be the change you want to see in the world” today, I urge you to be the change you want to be in yourself.


              I just finished Beowulf. We were reading it together on Saturday nights, but I missed the last couple of sessions. I borrowed the book from Noah and decided to read it front to back on my own. The version I read was this one.

                 I found this translations to be extremely legible and easy to read. I read pretty much the entire thing at school today, about 170 pages; well really only 85 because its only printed on one side in modern English. The other side is printed in the original so you can juxtapose them if your into that kind of thing. It flowed easily for the main part, the songs were broken up kind of weird, but seemed to work well when my cousin read them out loud.

             The story itself was superb, extremely interesting and well told. Beowulf is an awesome character. He's kind of like Batman, but more manly; so much so that random people he meet comment on it. They say things like "you are the most manly man ever" and "surely no one is as manly as you"* which Beowulf excepts humbly as his due. And I don't mean that sarcastically. Beowulf recognizes his manliness but gives full credit for it to God. He understand that because God has gifted him beyond others he also bears more responsibility. He uses his extreme physical prowess to protect others and defend those he is loyal to.

          I enjoyed other things about it too. Beowulf unlocked his "word-hoard" to reply to an insult... God "was weaving a victory on his war loom".

             Which leads me to another thing I appreciated, both Beowulf and the narrator have complete trust in God's sovereignty. The narrator ascribes the outcome of every one of Beowulf's battles to God, as does Beowulf himself. When he goes to fight Grendel he says that God will decide the victor and so the fate of the Danes.

            In conclusion, I would definitely recommend Beowulf. It's a short and easy read- only about 100 pages all in verse. Not only is it a great story but it's also well told. Plus it's a classic. You can seem super smart to all your friends when you tell them about it.

There, I wrote something else.
Carry on.

Post Title

This is a post to let you know that we're still alive and kicking. Hoping to make some changes to the blog this weekend so... probably no one reads this anyway so whatever.

One of the things I'd like to add is one of those "we follow these blogs and you should too" things. But until then here's some of the blogs I follow.

This One is my friend Michael, he writes trippy poetry.

This Is a blog started by our christian community group that meets on Sunday's. One of these days I'll get the password and post stuff on it.

My Brother Wesley started this one pretty recently.

Joel's picking on me so I gotta go. I'll be back later.

I'm back.... other things. I added this -------------->>> WOD thing. Depending on what circles you live in WOD means Workout Of the Day or Word Of the Day... and I had another thing it might mean but I forgot it. Anyway... I'll try to update it every day but I might not be able to. Also posting workouts is gonna have to wait until we get a camera.

We're working on posting a story together, alternating posts or something. I've still been working on the Shinigami story, pretty psyched about it. And Noah's working on wrapping up the Lugashi story, he's got a pretty sick ending planned.

So, there's some thoughts and plans and stuff. Hopefully I'll buy a laptop and be able to write more. Look for some stuff this weekend.



Sunday, January 26, 2014

lugashi IIII

Lugashi woke with a start. He opened his eyes and immediately shut them as he felt the light burn through his eyes and into his head. He laid there with his eyes closed tightly wondering "where am I?". Slowly he loosened his eyelids to so he could start getting used to the light. His head hurt. It seemed like his skull was a bell, constantly bring struck, constantly ringing. After a few minutes his eyes were finally open, the pain was there but it was bearable now. Lugashi tried to move the room so he could see around him but it would not move, no matter how hard he tried it stayed still. He thought for a while and looked down at his hand and concentrated on moving his fingers, then his arm, and after a little bit he was sitting up staring at the table in front of him.
    Sitting on the table was a bowl of steaming rice with two small uncracked eggs sitting next to it. On the corner of the table was a tea pot full of hot water, a small plate with a pile of black tea leaves sitting on it and a small cup. as Lugashi started to prepare the food and drink in front of him he remembered were he was at. He had gone to the blacksmith to have his blades fixed then went into town to the local opium house, he walked in and paid them for a private room with a lock for two days and a meal when he woke up.
   Lugashi stood up slowly and walked past the table to the far corner of the room were there was a small fire pit with enough red embers to start a fire and a pile of wood large enough to keep the fire fed for around an hour. Lugashi reached towards the pile of wood and grabbed a handful of scattered twigs and bark from the floor and piled it near the embers then stacked larger sticks around the pile into the shape of a pyramid then bent down and began do blow on the embers coaxing them to ignite his pile of twigs and debris and transform it into a fire.  Lugashi looked at the fire, the tips of its flames reaching out always reaching out for something else to consume. Lugashi went to sit down as he felt his head begin to ring again, he went over to the table and sipped his tea hoping that this would help his head feel better. Lugashi sat there for about fifteen minutes just drinking the black tea,  "it is a good tea" he thought as he sipped, it was very strong but not bitter with a slight herbal bite. He finished the first cup and decided to eat, Lugashi reached for the eggs and cracked them over the rice and mixed them in with a large spoon that was sitting next to the bowl. After the eggs were thoroughly mixed into the rice Lugashi began to eat slowly at first taking time to taste the food, to feel the different textures with his mouth, as he ate he thought about what he would do next. He had a lot more time on his hands than he was used to. Lugashi finished the rice and sat continuing to plan his next few days while he finished the tea and continued to let his head clear. With the tea gone Lugashi stood up slowly and got dressed, wrapping himself in layers of  tattered wool tucking in multiple blades of different shapes sizes and purposes, with everything in place he put on his waxed riind hide cloak, with that Lugashi unlocked the door to his room and stepped out into a dimly lighted hallway. He looked to his left and saw a door outlined in a the yellow glow of daylight, he walked towards it knowing that it was the front door where he had come in. As he got closer the light became brighter and the door became bigger. As he finally reached the door he could see the intricate carvings on it, Lugashi reached for the rope handle and pulled the door open, the light stunned him for a moment but it was not as bad as when he had woke up, the owner who stood beside the door looked up at Lugashi but could tell that he was not willing to speak so the man simply nodded his head and looked away. Lugashi looked up and saw the snow covered village laid out before him as he stepped out of the opium house and began to walk towards towards the forest.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014


This is a story I started working on the other night. Basically it's about a society were people are killed by grim reapers and only by grim reapers. The grim reapers work directly for God. But now there's a war among the people. Death has entered outside of what seems to be God's plan. Hopefully I'll work on it more later and it won't just be one of a vermilion story fragments I have floating around.

I took another sip of tea and replaced my cup. “I could kill you if you’d prefer.”

He shook his head; and then shrugged. “If it would fix anything.”

I said nothing.

“Could you just kill her?”

It was my turn to shake my head. “I can only kill those I know, it’s how the death mark works.” He knew that.

It was dark, the snow fell gently to the ground and drifted up against the windows.

The restriction placed upon us, as immovable as the love that motivated it. We can only kill those we know. Truly know, not just know the name of or some facts about, but truly know.

Back before… all of this, you could spend a whole day just getting to know someone.

He refilled my glass. “I knew you would come soon, I just had a feeling.”

“Did you dread it?”

He stared into his cup, idly swirled the liquid. “No.”

It was late. We’d spent all day together and it was almost time.

“It’s time isn’t it?”


He drained his cup and stood up. “Do you have anything left to do? I can spare a few more minutes.” He shook his head.

I stood up and drew my sword. His look asked what his mouth could not. Will it hurt?
“Don’t worry. It’s painless”

He relaxed. It was easy. It was always easy back then. Not like now.

My mind snapped back to my immediate surroundings.

“Do you ever resent that?”


“Do you ever wish you could just kill indiscriminately like them?”

The thought shocked me; it was an entirely foreign one. “No… God has a plan. His death’s have purpose.”

But that thought led to another one; if we killed for a plan, what did they kill for? And how did that fit with His plan.

I stood up. “I need to go. I need to get back. I’ll think about this though. You think about it too.”

He didn’t answer. I let myself out.

She (who was she?) pushed the barrel of the gun up against my head, this was a new experience. The barrel was cold and heavy. It seemed too large a gun to have been designed to kill people, as though it were made kill some kind of monster. She pulled the trigger.

The barrel exploded and she was hurled backwards. I watched as she stumbled to her feet. I saw the awe and fear in her eyes before she turned and ran. I had no reason to chase her and so I didn’t.

“Why didn’t you pursue her?” She glared at me accusatorially.

Quick retorts and witty responses ran through my head but I said nothing. Instead I shrugged.

“She’s the key to it all. If we can get her we can put an end all this mess.”

I sat down and cut myself a slice of cheesecake. “I didn’t know that at the time. I don’t even know that now.”

She looked at me sharply. “What do you mean?”

“It’s easy to blame her. To believe that if we stop her we stop it all. But what if that’s not true, what if it’s too late?”
It used to be calm here. People used to live in harmony. They didn’t kill each other before. I didn’t even know it was possible for them to kill each other. And neither did they.

Until she showed up. I don’t know when or how. But she changed everything. People started killing each other. Over the stupidest things too, money or hate or revenge or love or things. Never did they consult us… or Him.

Now I was scared that things had spiraled beyond containment. That we couldn’t stop this anymore. That He couldn’t stop this anymore.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

A poem

Silent, I lurch towards that which will destroy my soul

Silently He was led to the slaughter that delivers me

I want to cry out, to beg him to save me

But I want to die.

Wanting to die I'm unwilling to be slain and so die

This life binds me to death

Oh Lord please murder me before I can commit suicide

Enslave me so that I may be free

Break these chains so that I can be bound to you

Crush my freedom for it is a snake and then replace my liberty with love

Like a yo-yo I'm drawn by an invisible hand, but I fall every time I rise

Let me rest in your palm without fear of the drop

And Please, let every fall be a prelude to growing closer to you

Let me rise like the son, brought back to life so that I might live

Let the string that binds me to you be stronger than the chains that drag me into the depths

Pull upon that string as it becomes the strings of my heart, harp and play upon them a song of forgiveness

My failure is the rhythm of your forgiveness that harmonizes with the melody of your grace

All part of the song you call love.

Lugashi III

He tried to stand up but he could not move, he was stuck firmly to the ground staring up at the dimly lit black and white sky. Faint streaks of black radiated from the sun as it began to set. He lay there thinking for what seemed like days, thoughts like why can't I move? Where are my swords? Are there people who can harm me in my defenseless state? As he thought about these things the world seemed to spin around him, at first he did not even notice it, but as the days wore on it started to annoy him this spinning that he could not control. It ground on his nerves until he'd had enough, He Screamed "STOP!!"...and it stopped. He thought how? why? Did I move? He tried to move again but to no avail; he was still stuck He lay there and thought....He yelled "SPIN!"... and the world began to spin again... What is this phenomenon? he thought. Do I control these motions?
He concentrated on the world around him and thought it to stop and it did....So I can control these movements? This time he tilted the world under him as if he was standing and then spun the world slowly so he could see his surroundings.
He saw a tree ahead of him and manipulated his world to move it towards him. As the tree crept slowly closer to him he saw that the tree had a very wide trunk, too big for any man to reach around. This tree had smooth silky bark and large round leaves, all a beautiful white reflecting the beautiful black rays of the sun. He thought his world to move again and tilted it downward so he was looking up towards the top of the tree but it grew so high he could not see the top. At this he thought can I move my world up? He yelled "DOWN!" and the world moved down. It seemed as though he was flying upwards. As the top of the tree crept closer he slowed down his world and saw on the top of this tree a small butterfly. He just stayed there, staring at this butterfly as it just stood on the top of the tree, colorless yet still so elegant with the patterns on its wings. It started to flap its wings and fly away. Lugashi followed as it descended slowly to the ground. There was no sound, everything was silent... such a bleak world he thought to himself. He flew across the sky manipulating the world around him. He looked up once more to see the butterfly and to make sure his current path of flight matched its flight path. Suddenly he saw a streak of black flowing like a ribbon of silk across the white night sky, as it grew closer he saw more details and realized it was a bat. He stopped his flight to watch since the bat was headed on a collision course with the butterfly. Time seemed to slow down as the bat grew closer to the butterfly, it seemed to take hours for the bat to finally reach the delicate butterfly. Its mouth grew open as it drew ever closer and finally with the butterfly squarely between its strong jaws, it clamped down and flew away as time sped back up.
Lugashi paused to take in all that had happened and looked closer at were the butterfly was snatched out of the air. There was a small blotch of color. Lugashi  made that spot in his world come closer to himself and he realized that when the bat bit down on its prey some of its bodily fluid must have seeped out of its body. He stayed there staring at the bright purple fluid as it swirled around in the air making all kinda of beautiful shapes resembling flowers. The sun was rising, shining its black rays into the sky making, a beautiful grey sunrise.
As he looked out over the lightly darkened world that lay before him, Lugashi saw a spherical building floating in the sky as though it were trying to escape the worlds gravity but was held in place by giant chains shaped like the anchors of the grand ships that sail the oceans. He moved towards this building and saw a small opening leading to a cloakroom. He lowered himself slowly into the cloakroom and took a few minutes to survey his surroundings. Moving deeper into the room he saw a small sword rack. He drew closer and saw his children; Magashi, Ushai, Unoru, his three children. He tried to move his arm to reach up and grab them but once again realized he could not move his body. He then tried to move his world so that they might end up in his hands, but it never worked. He stood there for at least an hour staring at his blades, thinking of their beauty and elegance and how he could get them in his hands .. He thought for what seemed like hours and thought if I can move my world can I also move the objects inside of my world? With that he thought just as he had before, when he had first stopped the world from spinning, and moved Magashi from the wall rack to in front of him. He spun her a couple times to feel the weight of the sword in his mind. He grabbed all his swords and moved the door leading to the inside of the building closer. He broke it down with his swords and entered the sphere.
As he entered the building, the lighting was dim, there were only candles located around the outside of the room, shining there dim black light. Everything was grey. As lugashi looked closer he could make out figures; but just barely, as they were almost as grey as the lighting in the room. He moved closer and realized the room was full of people, but they were not normal people; first, their skin was grey, second, they had no faces, every other part of there body had the details any normal person would, large biceps, well defined abs large shoulders, but no face. They all just stood there and walked among themselves. Lugashi moved towards the floor until he was in the middle of all the people and they were all walking around him. He stood there watching them move for about 3 hours. Sometimes they moved slow, sometimes they were nearly running, but never did one brush up against him. He was so busy observing their movements he forgot about his swords and they dropped out of the air, hitting the ground with a loud crash that seemed to shake the entire building. All the grey people stopped moving and turned at once towards Lugashi as if they were staring at him. Lugashi immediately moved his blades up in front of him again. All was still. Nobody moved. Lugashi looked around the room looking to see who would move first,yet still no one moved. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw a movement, he turned the room to see what it was but as soon as he did it stopped. Again he saw movement so he turned the room again and again the movement stopped. Lugashi decided that the next time that happened he would not give the perpetrator a chance to stop moving; he would kill whoever it was immediately. He waited for something to move, as soon as he saw the movement from the corner of his eye he made Magashi fly towards it, and as he threw her the movement intensified and grew more violent. Lugashi turned the room to see his blade make contact with the blank face of a pulsating gray man. The minute the blade broke skin everything slowed to nearly a stop. The grays head exploded into a rainbow of color, spinning around like a plume of smoke growing bigger and bigger making the shape of a mans face in perfect detail scowling at him before it it hit the wall and splattered its color into the shapes of small flowers. Lugashi observed this and thought of how beautiful this sight was, it looked like a garden and this sight gave him so much joy. All the color and beauty in a bleak world. He came back to reality as a gray stepped towards Magashi and reached down to grab her. Immediately Lugashi cut off its arm and again everything slowed down, not as slow as before but still slow enough to take in the sight with great detail. As the grays arm dropped to the floor, out of its shoulder sprayed a fountain of color onto the wall, and as the grays blood covered the wall the colors moved and swirled creating the shape of a dragon. Lugashi looked down after hearing a dull thump and saw the grays body hit the floor as blood continued to spill from its shoulder making a puddle on the floor that looked like a small lake with boats and monsters stirring about inside of it.
Lugashi recalled Magashi to his side and looked around as the grays started to move about again. It was different this time, it seemed like they were dancing a very rhythmic movement. They started to stomp on the floor, their stomping grew louder and louder as they syncopated the rhythm of there feet matched that of there dance and one by one the began to climb on one anthers shoulders making small pyramids. Suddenly it stopped. There before lugashi stood five pyramids of grays. All of a sudden a chime rung out of nowhere and the grays started to melt into one another, forming large deformed gray men. One had two legs and three feet and one large arm and yet another had five legs and four arms... They were all formed like this, no one shape or form and all ugly. In the blink of an eye they all turned and started running towards Lugashi who linked his sisterswords and started swinging them to build up momentum. He moved the room to the side to get closer to the biggest gray monster, the gray did not expect this and tried to stop as Lugashi cut off its foot with Magashi. As the monster fell he swung Ushai (his round blade) around the head of the beast and in one smooth solid motion swung Unoru and sliced off the head of the first monster. As the monsters head fell to the floor blood spilled out again in every color imaginable, but lugashi had no time to stare for the other four monsters were drawing near. He put Magashi up in front of him and moved to face another monster, the one with a single arm. He tilted the room so that it lifted up in front of him and the monster began to fall towards Lugashi as the others fell into a pile behind him. Lugashi swung all of his children into one solid motion. He began to move his swords closer to the monster as it tried to stabilize itself, in a single second lugashi had used his swords to cut the monster ten times all the way through, with that the monster fell to pieces and fell into the pile of the other monsters behind him.
He turned the room around so he was facing the pile hideous gray monsters. He lifted his blades again but decided not to spin them like the last time, instead he decided to kill the monsters one slash at a time. After about five hours of cutting there was nothing left of the grays but a pile of unidentifiable flesh and blood covering every surface of the room. Lugashi decided to take a moment to look at the beauty around him, all the blood, the beautiful blood in every color, even some he had never seen before. As he observed this beauty he noticed it all became one picture, lakes rivers forests deserts, and as the blood dripped he saw people move, boats sink, monsters burn city's, the whole world that lay before him lay in carnage and chaos. Lugashi studied this world for a long time until something caught his eye. He looked and in the middle of the desert he saw a fire, a large fire burning bright red. He moved it closer to him to see it in better detail. He moved his head to look closer and felt his body move, he looked down at his arms and legs and moved them, he could finally move! He tried to step forward but nothing happened. Lugashi looked away from his limbs and saw the sky slowly turning yellow, he looked down and saw the fire in the desert growing larger and brighter, he realized he was falling, falling faster and farther, then his body fell into the flames and everything went black and he lost all consciousness.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Lugashi and Upara II

As Upara unwrapped the bundle he could see small glints of silver shining out past the blue silk cloth. When it was all unwrapped you could see two of the most beautiful looking blades ever made; the first one, a small side blade, had a small well rounded hook on the bottom of the hilt that moved up to a long double handed handle wrapped in some kind of tree bark that was very grainy yet thin enough to wrap around the blade, then the handle thinned out into a blade that wrapped around into a full circle big enough to fit over a mans head. There were chips and notches all over the outer edge of the blade and a small crack towards the top. The second blade was a thick blade almost too heavy to swing, it had a small loop on the bottom  just big enough to hook the bottom of the small blade onto, then grew into a thick hand and a half length handle that curved enough to fit perfectly into the palm of a large strong hand, it then curved slightly forward and upward about three feet then curved into a violent hook that protruded 3 inches in front behind and above the main body of the blade with a gap big enough for a mans wrist to fit into.

As Upara studied the blades, Lugashi thought back to all the battles he had fought with those blades, about how they were more than mere tools of killing, they were more than that to him almost like children to him, he cared for them more than any person he met that he didn't end up killing, he sharpened and oiled them every time before he slept (he did not sleep every night). then suddenly he heard the sharp clink of clay tea cups and snapped out of his day dream and saw the old man pouring him a cup of hot (but not to hot to drink) jasmine tea. "Its from Ukasawa." Said Upara as he took a sip from his steaming cup of tea. "Aaaaahhh this is very good my friend," said Lugashi as he looked up from his cup of tea he was sipping. 

"So can you fix them." Said Lugashi.  "Yes I think so, the hook on Unoru is bent but I can fix her. And the same for Ushai... but she will take a little while to fix since she is cracked."
"Good to hear I was a little worried. Now about Magashi, what can you do to replace her for me?"
"Yes, I will think about it while I am fixing your sisterswords." 
"Aaa thank you my friend. How long must I wait till they are finished?"
Give me eight days." Said the blacksmith.
"Eight it will be, what about payment?" 
"Eighty sintah, or 640 orni."
"I will have it when I come back." Stated Lugashi as he stood up and started to walk out.
"And bring me a new satchel of tea!" The old man yelled after him. Lugashi smiled and made a nod of acknowledgment as he walked out and closed the door behind him.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Blood and Ice

In some ways, the cold makes it worse. He thought as the knife edge of a rock sliced open his left foot. That thought was interrupted by another. Always start with the left foot. A habit from a less chaotic time. His thoughts were sluggish, like the blood leaking from his abdomen.

Drop. Drip. Plop. Beautiful. The red, against the white. Almost worth it. He realized then that he hadn’t move. He was standing, almost motionless. His foot ironically soaking in a small pool of ice and blood.

As he pushed on he resumed his earlier line of thought. The knowledge of the pain, without the feeling. One of his feet found another sharp rock, something he only noticed because he watched it. The knowledge of the irreparable damage I’m doing to my feet. And I can’t feel a thing.
His numb foot hit something harder than it and he stumbled. Shocked into alacrity he recovered his balance. Can’t fall… His thoughts moved as slowly as his feet. Why not? He searched blindly for an answer. For a moment his mind was as blank as the endless snow surrounding him. Like the flash of the sun against the snow, the answer lit up his thoughts. Can’t drop him. Then, why not? who’s him? It didn’t matter anymore. Why’s were irrelevant. There was only walking. Walking until the numbness in his feet reached his heart and the blood stopped seeping from the holes and crevices of his body.

His foot slid and he stopped. The river. He remembered it was important. The why escaped him. Slowly, ever so slowly, even more slowly than before he moved out on the ice. The blood from his feet froze to the still river, making it even slicker. If I just had a boat, I could slide all the way down. To the end. Then I’ll be done. His insane thoughts distracted him from how cold his legs where getting. But I don’t have a boat. I’ll just have to make one. From those trees. Each step took him bare inches. But they’re so cold… I don’t want to be like them.

The waves came like fish, and stared up through the ice at the two men. One, clothed in warm clothes and bundled in a blanket against the freezing air. The second, half naked, stumbling forward on bare feet. Frozen blood made his hair stick out like spikes and contributed to the blackness of his frostbitten toes.

A slight creaking sound was the only warning he got. By the time he realized what it meant, he was already trying to pull his foot out of the hole. Come here. You’re a bad foot. You got to drink earlier. Why are you always so thirsty? Somehow, he managed to pull his foot back up, through a new layer of ice. He tried to step out again, but now both feet plunged through the ice. The water lapped greedily at his chest, as though reaching for the body he carried. With a seemingly superhuman effort, he lifted his burden above his head and laid it across his shoulders.

He pushed on. The cold froze the mud under his feet making the footing easy. He was only a meter or so from the far shore, seemingly trapped in a hole in the ice. Unable to use his arms he pushed his chest into the ice, breaking it as he struggled forward. His thoughts were gone, carried off by the icy water.

He rose through the ice and staggered onto the shore. His heart pumped hard to push an icy final thought into his head. This is it. I’m going to die here. I can go no further. He collapsed onto his knees and then his face as he lowered his burden to lay it gently on the ground. He rolled over onto his back and relaxed as the numbness in his body turned to warmth. A few minutes the blood stopped leaking from his wounds and his heart stopped beating.

An hour later a hawk flew by. Far overhead it descried the two still forms far below. The two men being slowly buried by snow.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Deconstructive Compliments.

I’m sitting at my computer, waiting for Aminah to overcome her… reluctance to have her writing critiqued. So I decided to make the subject of today’s blogpost criticism.

I’m a zealous believer in honesty. I am not a firm believer in “white lies” or lies told to preserve feelings. Instead I advocate silence. Or tactful honesty.

I recently heard someone say “at least I’m being honest” after delivering an insult. This is not even remotely acceptable. Ephesians 4:29 says “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” I often hear this verse referenced to advocate abstaining from using expletives, but I would like to point out a deeper and more applicable meaning of this verse.

I believe that an inferred exhortation to avoid swearing is a sub-point of what Paul was trying to communicate. The beauty of the english language is that there are multiple ways to say the same thing. Or stated differently, it an intriguing facet of american lexicon that diverse words can communicate similar ideas. I think that this verse is talking more about what is communicated than the way that it is. Keeping in mind that the way something is communicated is inseparable from what is communicated. Take, for example, the two statements above. “[I]t an intriguing facet of american lexicon that diverse words can communicate similar ideas.” sounds far more pompous than “The beauty of the English language is that there are multiple ways to say the same thing.” which means that it communicates a slightly different message. If we are to avoid using ‘language’ in our language, it is to avoid conveying an untactful message.

American Heritage online defines tact as “Acute sensitivity to what is proper and appropriate in dealing with others, including the ability to speak or act without offending” This struck me for its similarities to Colossians 4:6 “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.”

I want to advocate here what I believe Paul was advocating there. Tactfulness. I believe that Paul (in both passages) is adjuring us to be tactful in speech. Our dealings with others should always be motivated by love. Paul encourages us multiple times to have grace in our conversations. I would like to encourage the same.

So back to criticism. I (being my father’s son) am a firm believer in the exhortative value of criticism. I believe that trying so hard to avoid sounding critical as to lie, is wrong. Because, to lie is wrong. Satan is the father of lies and Jesus is Truth. Let us embrace Jesus as we embrace truth with our language. But as we are truthful in dialogue, let us remember Paul’s admonition towards tactfulness. Let it ‘honestly’ never be an excuse for being unloving. Let us strive for our criticisms to be as loving, and even uplifting, as our compliments.

With grace,


Lugashi and Upara

As lugashi walked down the muddy snow covered lane, he looked up and saw the familiar banner of the old blacksmiths shop; a hammer with two kukri swords crossed in front of it. And as he continued to walk toward it his cold black stone heart began to warm as he remembered all the times he had been here before, all the vicious fights he had and the inumerable amounts of people he had killed with the blacksmith's blades. as he remembered lugashi though, "this guy is kinda like a father to me, he helps me in times of defeat and celebrates with me in times of victory".

As he entered his heart lifted as his senses were overwhelmed,the familiar ring of the chimes hung over the door, the heat of fires burning hot enough to melt steel together, the glow of charcoal embers, and the smells of the fire, iron, sweat, and the jasmine tea he always had available for himself and customers. as the chimes rung a short wrinkled old man holding a large hammer looked up from his work and smiled as he set his hammer down and headed over to the small table by the door to pour lugashi and himself a cup of tea.

"Lugashi-san, how good to see it has been so long! I was wondering if your blades had seen their last fight."
        "No Upara-san, in fact it has been opposite my blades have spilled more blood than before. The unrest near the border has kept me busy. That, and those who think it better to keep money to themselves and not honor business deals made with the devil.
       "Ha! sounds like I will have a lot of work ahead of me eh?"
       "Yes indeed. And I think I might need a few new additions to my armory too. Magashi has fought for his last. I left him to rest, but Unoru has been very tricky lately I think she is out of balance she does not dance as she did when I left you the last time."
       "Aaaaah I see," Said Upara. "Well let me take a look."
       With that Lugashi took a small bundle which could be easily mistaken for a babe and put it on the table, the blacksmith took and unwrapped the bundle with utmost care.

Friday, January 3, 2014



This is Isaac,

I'm not super big about talking about myself, or anything that anybody wants me to talk about. Except Jesus, I like talking about Jesus. Which works pretty well, because Jesus likes it when I talk about him.
So that's what I'mma do. I'mma talk about Jesus. Jesus is God. But He's not alone, He's part of completely mind-boggling thing called the Trinity. The Trinity is the word that we use to refer to the three people who are one person and different people, and also God, all at the same time. It's kinda crazy and I don't really understand it. But all three persons of the Trinity are really important and I'll tell you why in just a sec.
The first thing that you really need to know about Jesus as a distinct person, is that He created you. And me. And everything. That's what the first words of the bible are all about. "In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth." ~ Genesis 1:1. Jesus is specifically mentioned as being part of the act of creation in the first passages of the gospel of John. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."
These first couple verses of John end with man's rejection of God. When Jesus made us he gave us some rules (actually just one). Because He's our only reason for existence (in multiple senses) He's allowed to tell us how to live. But we didn't think so. We chose to reject Jesus's right to rule over us. And when I say we, I don't mean just our ancestors or just atheists, I mean every single human being who is alive today, or has ever been alive for that matter. We all chose to live our lives how we wanted, regardless of anything that God told us. We chose to reject his authority over our lives.

WE, rejected Jesus. But He didn't reject us, one of the most important things to know about Jesus is that He is love. He's not just loving or capable of love, He not just lovable. Jesus is the definition of Love. Everything He has ever done is motivated by love for us.

Our rejection of Jesus caused a irreconcilable rift between us. Our perfect relationship was destroyed and we no longer could have access to God.

But Jesus didn't give up on us. He never stopped pursuing us or giving Himself up for us. He sacrificed so much to have a relationship with us. This culminated when Jesus gave his life for us. God sent his only son, the person to whom he was the closest, to die. Jesus came to us in the most humiliating way. He took on the very form of those who rejected Him and was BORN as a baby. He lived a life that was full of humility and humiliation. Jesus's death was as ignoble as His life. He was hung from a tree like a common criminal, a death that was considered cursed. And when I say hung from a tree I don't mean by the neck. The Roman Crucifixion was one of the cruelest forms of torture never invented. It involved getting beat, whipped, mocked, stabbed and finally suffocated in a process that took agonizing hours.And so died the man who was God. The man who created us died willingly by our hands. Because he loved us. Even though we rejected Him, Jesus was still willing to die for us. His death was the bridge that finally allows us to have a relationship with God. Alone, we are damned to hell for the wrong deeds we commit. But through Christ we can be saved. And through Christ alone. His death payed for everything. It's not about anything we do. The best of us fails so miserably at measuring up to the standard that Jesus set, that there is no hope. At least not on our own. The only way to get to heaven is to be perfect. That's what God demands. For those of us (read 'all of us') who fail at being perfect, heaven is closed and hell awaits.But Jesus defeated hell. He defeated death and by His own power raised Himself from the dead. Jesus died but He is alive today. Jesus is still living.But Jesus was perfect. He lived as a man and never sinned. He never lied, never cheated, never did anything wrong. He never even thought things that where wrong. Because Jesus died for me, His perfect life is counted as my perfect life. That is the only hope of entering heaven.I want to be clear here, Jesus's perfect life is not attributed to everyone and Christianity is not about getting to heaven. Christianity is all about having a relationship with Jesus Christ. That Jesus's death saves us from hell is really only of secondary importance. The biggest thing that Jesus's death buys us is a relationship with Him. His death bridged the gap. We can now talk to God and actually petition Him for forgiveness.That's why I love Jesus so much. Because He saved me from Hell, because He saved me from myself and He reconciled me to the creator of the universe.He did all that, after I rejected Him, mocked Him, blasphemed Him and disobeyed Him.All that to say, Jesus loves you. He wants to know you. He can save you from Hell. He can let you know God. All you need to do is ask Him. To stop trying to figure it out on your own and let Him do it.This might sound kind of crazy and hateful. But the good news of Jesus Christ is the most loving story I could ever right. I truly believe that if you don't know Jesus then you are not only on your way to hell; but you are denied the greatest peace and joy imaginable. Out of love for you I have to start with this.I try to talk about the gospel a lot. So I might end up writing about it more in the future. I try to make Jesus the focal point of my life so I'll definitely be writing about Him more.That's probably a good stopping point. I dunno.

God bless,


Thursday, January 2, 2014

about me? maby i think

so I is NOAH. Firstly I will say sorry for my terrible grammar, punctuation, sentence and paragraph structure and other stuff I don’t often write so I suck at it but am trying to get better.
So I like to wear hats and I have one that is my trademark hat it looks like a monster eating my head some people think it looks like a demon but it is a monster.
I also love Jesus he has saved my life and set me free from sin and I know he can make your life better and save you from the things of this world that drag us down and tear us apart.
Also music is a big part of my life it helps me worship god and he blesses me with really really good Christian music. On my list of favorite bands right now is least of these, life in your way, for today, the ember days, levi the poet, listener, THE CHARIOT, showbread, rebuker, and a bunch of others.
Um well anyway I want to get better at writing so my and my friend started this blog, I dunno how often I will write in here or what I will write about but I will try to write maby some stories or a try at a poem or anything else.
Whatever I think that is enough about me and what I am going to to so farewell for now.


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

so i am noah and i do not like punctuation or paragraphs or rules but will try to write THE END

I. Am, Isaac? And- I/ love punctuation!!!!!!,,,...?????






This is a blog. We're writing (on?) this blog to practice writing.

This is the first post... Other posts will follow. Most of them will probably seem pretty stupid. But we really want to try to communicate the messages that God would have us share. It's pretty likely that nobody will ever read this, but if you do, then hopefully we can bless you just a little bit.

We... both like to workout and yell (at stupid people {mostly each other}) and cook food and eat food and read books and write stories and talk about Star Wars and longboard and slackline and wrestle and backpack and hike and play games and talk and read the bible and pray and try to do the things that God would have us do.

We will probably mostly use this blog to practice writing, so expect disordered rants on diverse subjects.

That's enough for a first post. Peace.