Friday, June 13, 2014

A Conversation

I wrote a story for you the other day. I tried to communicate some things I thought needed to be said. It might not have been pointless, but I don’t think you ever read it so I guess it is. I doubt you’ll ever read this either. I wish that I could communicate with you.

I wish that I could understand that I don’t just view you as a person but as a representation of a different mindset. A different worldview that I don’t always understand.

Whenever I think of you I hear this loud whistle and a man in a uniform runs up on me. “You almost forgot your baggage sir.” He says whilst handing me far more luggage than I could possibly carry on my own.

I stand there and try to get a handle on it while in the background the train leaves me in the station; carrying with it my understanding of you as a person.

I wrote a poem about trains once. You probably never heard it; which is just as well I suppose, it isn’t finished yet. It’s an allegory in which trains are metaphors for thoughts. I guess generally trains are metaphors for conversations which is more applicable to my life since I make a hobby of derailing them. Maybe that was a mistake since I seem to have lost my ability to communicate. Not only with you or those (or those things) that you represent but with everybody.

I wish I could understand that people are people and not ideas or metaphors. Maybe then I could communicate with them. Where is this train taking me?

The train stops to take on mail. A man in a uniform enters my carriage and hands me an envelope. Inside is a letter:

Dear Friends,

I miss you. It seems like we never spend time together anymore. I miss your neverending presence in my life. I miss having to tell you to leave my house. I miss staying up till some absurd hour talking about nothings of great import. It breaks my heart everytime one of you gets married or moves away or just out of my life. Your marriages are so bittersweet for me. But do it. Do what you know to be right and in my grief I’ll find an ineffable joy for you and your spouse. I know that God gives even as he takes and that he’s using you; so be used my friends.

I miss you. I miss the community we once had that now seems lost. I miss being close to you. I miss believing I was close to you. I miss praying together and studying the bible together and exercising together. I wish our dreams of building a settlement together could come true and we could live in communion as we only dream of now. But I know that we do, and God has called us (or at least placed us) in the communities we’re currently in. God did not take that away for no reason. I serve a living God. A God who has a purpose for each of our lives. And I believe that we are destined to great things. Let us live in the present and look towards the future so that we might say “Those were the lives when God did great things and proved Himself amazing”.

I miss you. I miss being an integral part of one anothers life. I know that people come and go, but why must it be so hard? Why is this big, crazy, amazing world so big? Why do you all have to live everywhere else and not with me? But I rejoice in this blessing. That God has scattered his faithful so that I can always find you. Like Elijah, I sometimes need reminded that God’s plans and people are bigger than me.

I miss you. It’s not so much those that leave my state as those that leave my life that grieve me the most. Despite the boasts I made that we were friends for life, I’m no longer part of yours. I wish I could say that I still pray for you every night, but I don’t. I’m not really a very good friend. I know someone that is though, I thought you knew Him also and pray that you do. A friend who unceasingly pours out effectual prayers on my behalf. Thank you Jesus for your unwavering friendship. My mind is filled with the memories of friends I’ve had and of those people who have come and gone in my life. Tonight I will pray for you. May God be close to you.

Dear Friends, may God guard and protect you. May He lead, light and guide you. May He enslave and free you. May He reveal Himself to you in ever novel ways. May He give you what you need and withhold from you what you don’t. May you depend on Him and look for Him in every circumstance. May He keep His presence close to you. May we all meet again one day, but let our hope never lie in that.