Friday, September 19, 2014

Slammin' Salmon

Hey all. Built a Salmon Ladder (of Ninja Warrior fame) in my back yard the other day. For those of you who don't know what that is, take a look.
I've made some modifications since these pictures.

Including adding more screws, tightening everything up in general and getting a larger (and not bent) bar.

I'm still planning on adding a little bit more.
A rope, a thicker bar at the top, another bar at the top, a counter wait for the climbing bar, etc.

Here's a video of Noah.

And one of me. Sorry about the camera, my cameraman must have been on drugs.

Still not sure how long it will all last, it seems to hold up pretty well to Noah and he's about 240 but we'll see. I used all pressure treated wood and fancy, coated decking screws. I also painted the exposed ends of the 4x4s with redguard (And one of these days I'll coat the downward facing screw-holes in roofing caulk). The basic instruction video I followed can be found here.
The stuff they say about wanting a crash pad and something to stop the bar from falling and 'slammin' into your head is pretty true. This thing terrifies me. Anywho, happy climbin'!

Death is never an option.

Death is never an option, especially when you are already dead.
I never chose this life.
 It was like an infection, growing slowly spreading throughout my body making its way into my mind.
 You think I want to live like this? Who wants to live life inside of a hollow shell?
I wasn't always empty; I was full of life and love until they both left me.
They ran away like a child runs from his father, and I wasn't good enough to chase after them.
So I turned inward to see what I had left.
There were gaps and cracks, (there always is inside of everyone) I tried to fill them in before my heart spilled out.
But it was too late,
My heart and all its emotions had melted away.
So I was left empty and hollow, living life as a stumbling skeleton.
A pile of frail bones.
Looking for something but not knowing what.
But I saw something.
Not like the other lights.
Neon signs hanging in front of the anglers mouth promising happiness.
This was different.
It glowed a different color and promised something real.
And as I dragged my worthless corpse towards that light, I felt warm.
It radiated hope and filled my bones with strength.
It restored my vision.
And as I stared in awe at the colorful world of living color my soul was restored.
 I looked behind me to see a person. A man so happy it seemed that the light shining off of him was pure love.
He took my hand and gave me a heart.
Not a broken heart or something rotten. A new heart full of love and peace.
A new heart that looked like a blood red pearl.

And he folded my hands over it saying “I made it new so you won’t have to die anymore won’t you take it and love me”.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Brutal Honesty

I've been following Levi The Poet for quite some time now. I've been a big fan of his since before seasons and I've watched as he and his work have matured. For those of you who don't know who Levi is he has a blog over here.

One of Levi's big things is total honesty ("and now I shout 'TRANSPARENCY'). Which is something I really respect. It seams to me like we spend to much time hiding our dirt and covering up our sins. We eschew confessions (especially public) and are content to allow our deeds of darkness to remain there.

I am, and have been for a while, a pretty big fan of honesty. A big part of that for me is being honest with our struggles, failures and mistakes. We're not perfect and it doesn't do anyone any good when we pretend to be.

All that being said. I wrote this a while ago but I haven't really revised it so it's pretty raw. I apologize if you're offended by this but this is who I am. If you don't like honesty then please read no further. Otherwise, please accept this with the spirit of love and contrition with which it was written and now posted.

   Well my friend, I’ve been struggling with Lust again. And though I hate every minute of it I must admit I savor it,

I enjoy every moment I spend at her house, though all the while there’s this thought in the back of my mind like There must be more than this. God meant for this to be more than it is.

But I reject that truth and instead swallow whole the lie that this is what sex is supposed to be all the while wishing I could be free from this addiction.

Arise, my soul, arise

Shake off your guilty fears

The bleeding sacrifice

On my behalf appears

Before the throne my surety stands

Before the throne my surety stands

My name is written on His hands

I wandered into the adulterous woman’s house and now she’s got me on a leash. Pull as I might I cannot escape from the control she has over me.

And I don’t want to leave her! I must admit that sometimes I’m in love with Lust. That even while I pray, asking God to forgive me (oh how can you forgive me?), I eagerly plan my next visit to her house all the while anticipating not only the pleasure I’ll find within but the pain as well.

The pain of knowing that I’ve hurt myself again. That I’ve hurt God again (Oh can you ever forgive me?)

He ever lives above

For me to intercede

His all redeeming love

His precious blood to plead

His blood atoned for every race

His blood atoned for every race

And sprinkles now the throne of grace

My friend I’ll admit I’ve been struggling with this sin. Struggling? Hah! I used to struggle but now when Lust shows up I just hide my head and hope that she doesn’t destroy me too much. I hang my head when I look up and see the damage that she’s done not only to me but everyone around me.

With my head bowed I survey the ruin that I’ve surrounded myself with: the damage done to my relationships, the power this thing has gained over my life, the pain in God’s eyes as I bow my head and apologize but… I’m still planning and hoping for her next visit. Drooling in sick anticipation of partaking in that which I hate. (Oh GOD SAVE ME!)
Praise be to our God and Father who delivers us from that which devours our souls.
Sometimes, when I’m done lusting after their bodies, I wish I could share the love of Christ with these women. “Excuse me ma’am? I know I’ve just been objectifying, exploiting, using and devouring you but…”

I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for lusting after you. I’m sorry that porn is destroying you the way it’s destroying me. But there is hope (God can forgive us).

O my soul, arise

Behold the risen Christ

Your Great High Priest

Your spotless sacrifice

O my soul, arise

God owns you as His child

Shake off your guilty fears

My soul, arise

Only in the cross of Jesus is there forgiveness. Only in the cross of Jesus is there redemption. Only in the cross of Jesus Christ is there freedom.







Jesus Christ died to give us these gifts. Let us accept them and turn from that which rejects him.

But here I am again. I HATE THIS COMPUTER! I HATE THE INTERNET! Didn’t I just apologize for this? Aren’t I free from this?

Why’s everybody naked? Come on, put on some clothes. I don’t want to see that. I don’t. I don’t. I love this addiction.

These images will never go away, they’re with me waking and sleeping. I wish that I could wipe these memories, these images from my mind. But I stare at these pictures like I’m trying to burn them into my memory.

What good are these memories if I can’t learn from them? How’d I get here. I wasn’t heading to this house. She opens the door and smiles. I stumble over the threshold and fail to rise.

Jesus I’m so sorry. I’m such a disappointment. I’m such a failure. How could I ever be your son? How could you ever forgive me.

Five bleeding wounds He bears

Received on Calvary

They pour effectual prayers

They strongly plead for me:

“Forgive him, O forgive,” they cry

“Forgive him, O forgive,” they cry

“Don’t let that ransomed sinner die!”

Lately Lust has been bringing around her cousin Guilt. I used to fight him, but lately I’ve been wondering if he’s got a point. Like, if I keep failing over and over again. If I’m not even convinced of the sincerity of my sorrow. If I don’t have victory. What does Christ have to do with me?

O my soul, arise

Behold the risen Christ

Your Great High Priest

Your spotless sacrifice

O my soul, arise

God owns you as His child

Shake off your guilty fears

My soul, arise

Six hours and it was finished. Forgiveness is offered in his nail pierced hands. “I paid for that.” My hands shake as I strive to accept this gift of grace. The look in his eyes isn’t disappointment, it’s not scorn or hatred. “And I will always love you.”


“It’s not you, it’s me.”

Thanks be to God for the forgiveness and freedom found in Jesus Christ who died for me.

My God is reconciled

His pard’ning voice I hear

He owns me as His child

I can no longer fear

With confidence I now draw nigh

With confidence I now draw nigh

And “Father, Abba, Father,” cry