Wednesday, December 21, 2016


All we like sheep have gone astray.

Drawing lines in the sand we picked a side

and demonized the other.

Removing our clothing to reveal what’s inside

We embrace the lone wolf mentality and fight our own brother.

Our shepherds go at it hook and crook,

There are no wolves in sheeps skin.

Only wolves quoting a book.

All their howling makes such a din

It drowns out my every question.


If there’s safety in the pack, why are we all so alone?

In search of the truth I left my home.

In my pride I imagined I was Jacob, in the night

I went looking for a shepherd to fight.

Dawn found me pinned,

only by my own ghosts

Grasping after the wind.

The pain in my hip is only psychosomatic

I guess if I really want it dislocated I’ll have to do it myself.

I’ve never been one to run from a fight

But now I’m wondering when all this warring will ever cease

You’re rod and your staff they confront me.

Sometimes I write stuff like this and I think "one day I'll finish this and put it on the blag." Well, we all know how doing it right turns out. Or doesn't. So here is my work in progress.

Friday, December 9, 2016

A reflection of the su/on?

My feet are cold. At least I think they are, I cant really feel them to be honest. Its still dark out, well with the exception of the stars and the moon.

 The moon is bright but its not really warm. Its like a cheap imitation of the sun. Seriously though it shines like the sun, just not quite as bright or as warm or as big. But despite being alot less than the sun its still beautiful, like a beauty that can not be captured by words.

Am I your moon?

Saturday, December 3, 2016

its been a while

a wounded heart
 love that overlooks brokenness
love that restores my heart

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Running Away

Running and running I never make it very far.
No matter how hard I strive it seems like at the end of every day I find myself just where I started.
Right where I’m trying to leave.
Running endlessly in circles trying to find the end of this perpetual motion.
Machine like I strive onward without hope or purpose.
Unable to learn from the past or ever really leave it behind.
Wasn’t I just here?
Didn’t I just make that mistake?
I thought I was chasing you but sometimes it feels like I’m actually running away.
Are you trying to catch me or just to escape?
Are you as terrified of me as I am of you?
Mostly I’m scared you’ll leave me.
That if I stop chasing you you’ll get farther and farther away.
But then I remember that it’s you chasing me.
That your outstretched arms are behind and not ahead.
Maybe the key to catching you is to not run.
But to be still.
To know.
That you are God.

Monday, September 26, 2016


I break things. I think I could go into business testing products for durability. I'd rate them by how many days it took for me to break them. Ipod touch: Couple of weeks. Ipod Classic: Couple of months (to be fair I did fall into a river with it in my pocket). Xbox 360... I don't wanna talk about it. Olympus tg4: Well, about three weeks in and I haven't broken it yet. 

Saturday, July 30, 2016

New Blogs!


If you're wondering where we've been and what we've been doing... then read on because the answers lie below.

We've both been working a lot on are solo blogs which are up over here (Noah) and here (Isaac).

Don't worry dear (fictitious) readers, we are not abandoning you, I, at least, hope to continue posting stuff here as it comes to me.

However, if you are interested in missions, knowing more about our lives or stuff like that then you might want to check out those links. If not, take a look anyway and see if anything catches your eye.

If you want to know a little bit more about what you'd be getting into; I have a post about it over here.

That is all, see ya'll around.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Everything Was Sound


I'm a really big fan of Silent Planet. I have all their albums, I've seen them in concert multiple times, I vaguely follow their stuff and what's going on with their band and I just think they're pretty cool.

I enjoy their sound and the way that they put everything together. I really think they have a lot of skill and though I know that not everyone's into metalcore (screamo) I think they're one of the top christian metalcore bands on the scene right now.

I was part of a conversation a while back about lyrics, lyricists and modern music artists, I asserted that Silent Planet has some of the best lyrics of any band on the music scene today. Their newest album definitely supports that position. I consistently appreciate the depth, poetry and potency of their words.
There aren't very many bands that have footnotes to their lyrics. It's almost like doing a bible study just working through the lyrics and footnotes.

Sometimes I think that the things they sing about are specifically written for me because of how often they resonate with issues I'm dealing with or thinking about. The way that they say things really appeals to me because of how much depth and layering it contains, which may be hard for some people. I will say that they're writing style is something I wish I could emulate, but I'm scared I don't have the skill, experience or knowledge.

Everything Was Sound is Silent Planet's newest album. It's not just songs though. It weaves together music, art and philosophy to portray and address many different mental disorders and social problems.

If you have sometime, I would greatly recommend listening to the album and looking at the artwork. If you have a little bit of money you can support them and their ministry by buying their album. (Plus you get music!)
If you don't have either of those things, you can always check out their lyrics here. (I couldn't find the album artwork online so you'd still be missing a piece.)

TL;dr. Check out Silent Planet's new album Everything Was Sound. It's phenomenal. If you don't believe me read this much better written review from

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Sprinting into the fog

They said. "Boy, don't lose the forest for the trees."
But I'm shaking like a leaf
because I'm so scared of losing you in this wood.
And when did we forget those we were sent to love?
When will a fire tear through this forest;
burn up all we've built on a false foundation.
Sometimes I wanna strike a match and set this forest ablaze.
Let that fire light a new passion inside of us.
Let these flames eat all the wood, hay and stubble 
that we've been building ourselves up with.
And let new life grow in us.
Burn away our dross, oh Lord,
the dead rotted wood of our hearts.
And let new life, new love
grow instead in that fertile ground.
Weeds long for good soil just like flowers.
For too long we've let our hearts be a seedbed 
for trees that grow tall, grasping for the heavens
and yet producing no fruit.
When will we learn
that not all growth is good?
That pruning is an essential part of tending grape vines?
Prune me, oh Lord.
Cut away every branch that grows away from your light,
reaching for the darkness.
Tend us, oh Gardner.
Remove every root that holds us back,
gripping our dirt so tightly.
Let your work be as endless as ours,
until our eyes are opened
and we see as men,
as trees walking.

I like the title a lot. I want to trust God enough to sprint into the fog. But I'll probably never write a whole post on the idea and here's this thing I found so here you go.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

From the heart?!

O man it’s been a while. Well if anyone reads these thanks. Thank you for being diligent to wait for new posts as we go through life and can go months without even thinking about posting.

                 I will start by saying 2 things. First sorry I haven’t written anything in a while. I don’t have a legitimate excuse for this; I have really just been lazy.  Lazy because I don’t feel like writing so I just play video games instead and lazy in that I begin to think that I need to have inspiration for good writing or that I should not write because I’m not very good. Thinking about it now those are super lame reasons for not writing.

                I started getting some special newsletters from Levi the poet(I will put a link for it at the bottom) where he is trying to be more personal and make himself write at least once a week, and when he was preparing to start these letters he asked a few of his fans to take a short survey and let him know what kind of things they want to read about from him. I put in my survey “just write like one of those late night conversations that has lots of meaning but maybe no focus”. I know that’s a weird statement but I feel like people understand what I’m trying to communicate. We all know those late night conversations we have with friends where we can talk for hours on end about who know how many different topics. It’s not focused because we reach this point where we stop talking with are brain and start talking with are heart.

                So today reading Levi’s first letter I he did a good job creating a letter that felt like a conversation, and I realized that I should take my own advice. I need to start writing and stop being concerned about if its good or if it makes sense and just start talking from my heart.  I feel that writing in this way though I could go on for pages so I will try to be disciplined to keep these posts “short”(not long) and stay on topic(sort of).

Once again thanks for reading this and taking time to be a part of are lifes.

here is that levi the poet letter i am talking about.

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Maybe Mrs. Frizzle's on to something.

Let's just all admit we're wrong.

And that's okay. Or, at least it's something we can work with.

Don't get me wrong (that is don't misunderstand the point I'm trying to make). I'm not trying to say that we shouldn't change or move on but let's call it what it is.

I admit, I was wrong. I'm moving on, I've moved on. I've changed and I'm trying to make it right.

There, that wasn't so hard.

And no. It's not okay. It's not okay to know it and not acknowledge it.

Secant: inconsistency isn't always wrong. Sometimes it's an essential part of growth. Don't justify being stuck in a rut by calling it consistency. Do what it takes to get up out of the rut and move forward. But let's not forget were we came from.

Let's call it what it was and admit we're wrong. Or we were. But we're changing, growing and learning and hey don't forget mistakes are a great learning process.

In clear language, I'm tired of times when we lie to ourselves while lying to others about who we were. I'm tired of the way we verbally retcon our lives-for what? To avoid admitting we've ever made mistakes?

As though we achieved perfection at some tender age and have had our act together every since.

Pretending we've always been who we are just seems a good way to always stay the same. I can't see how denying past mistakes encourages future growth.

So let's all just admit we're wrong, or we were. Mistakes are part of life and acknowledging them is part of living. Or growing. And sometimes those things are the same.

EDIT: xkcd put this up the other day and I was struck by how much it reminded me of this post. All credit goes to Randall Munroe and all that jazz.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Kisim Marimari

It was some time later when we spoke again. Apparently our previous conversation burned as hot still in his mind as it did in mine for we picked up the loose threads with no time spent untangling.

Unsure of which of the many questions I'd been stewing I stayed silent a moment.

He answered my unspoken. "Where then draw the line? Is there a difference between asking a friend for a ride and asking for bus fair? Can we place some things in the 'trust God box' some in a different box?

" I think it at least partly comes down to trust and motivation. No matter what we should be looking to and trusting God to meet our needs. All of them. So again, if he chooses to use a friend to do so that's fine. And thank your friends. Just don't forget where that provision comes from. In all things give thanks to Him..."

He trailed off. I followed the thought a little bit farther.

"Sometimes it feels different asking for money versus asking for favors. Though I suppose," now I was thinking out loud. "I suppose that with my close friends I would consider it the same."

"And don't eschew making known your need." He cut in. "I know, for you especially, it's hard putting yourself out there like that. But people have to know. You need to give the church the opportunity to be the church to you. Wether that's praying, giving money or helping in another way. And, they need to be hearing what God's doing for and through you."

I chuckled quietly. "You know how hard that is for me. But your right, I'd hate and condemn it if others held me at arm's length the way I try to do to them. It's especially hypocritical considering how much I preach transparency."

I'd lost my other questions somewhere along the way...

We sat in silence for a while. Watching the sun set through its reflection off our surroundings till it did no more.

The candle he lighted could have symbolised my mind. I grabbed the first thought the light drew to the surface.

"Sometimes I have to combat a sense of entitlement. These feelings like because I have more I deserve more. Which is alright u suppose until I start demanding my reward from other people."

"Right." He replied. "We give without expecting a return; or even recognition for that matter. God's keeping track and that's good enough."

"Praise to Him that He gives more than what we earn."

"And that He meets us where we're at instead of where we think we are." I stared into the flickering flame as he spoke. It seemed to dart about without reason, now here, now there, sometimes fading and then bursting into unexpected brilliance.

"Hmm. Yeah." I spoke quietly. Our entire conversation had deepened to murmurs. "Sometimes more, sometimes less. Always giving what I need. Though not as often what I want."

The candle had waned to a pile of wax when he prodded me on. "That's not all."

"No." I paused a moment. As a bird runs beak through feathers, I straightened my thoughts.
"The other side of that coin is that I feel I deserve as much the next guy. If he got that why don't I? And if God gives him this why not me?
It's even worse when I only look at men. It's easy to feel undervalued."

I knew what he'd say next. "Remind me of a story I heard once. About workers and wages."

"It's this thought that we all deserve equal pay and/or rewards. An easy lie to get caught up in considering how much equality is preached in our culture." I answered.

"But not in the Bible..." He let that sit for a moment before picking it up again. "What it comes down to is treating someone elses generosity as your right."

"And I've seen were that leads." We grew silent. I wondered if it meant anything to our conversation that the candle flickered out.

Friday, March 25, 2016

Accepting Grace

I don't remember what he looked like. All I can remember were his eyes. Deep and dark. His eyes should've warned me. They looked like falling off a cliff.

And sometimes that's what it felt like to talk to him. Like diving into the deep end. Without realizing it you'd taken one step to far and slipped off the shelf. Out in the deep with nowhere to stand.

Even if you didn't move you'd end up the same. With your feet swept out from under you by the current. Or if not your feet the ground below them.

And there you'd be, trying to tread water and wondering were you'd lost your footing. Looking around for solid ground or an anchor to hold onto. All the while he'd just keep asking those little questions, buffeting you around like waves.

And he said. "Don't miss the good looking for the spectacular. Sometimes God sends mana and sometimes He sends fields of wheat. Just don't forget to pick the grain while waiting for something to fall from the sky.

"If you speak in tongues, praise God. If you meet a translator, praise God. Sometimes the miracles are in the commonplace. Say your on the desert for forty years. Don't spend the whole time worrying about how God's gonna get you new clothes and forget to be thankful that your old ones just won't wear out."

I swam against the current I had to find- "but sometimes I feel like I'm just always taking. Like I'm stealing."

He must've shrugged. "If they give willingly then be blessed. Your not stealing if they give. And if God uses them to bless you than that's their blessing too."

Layers in words. I appreciated his double meaning.

"And the same for (from) you." He continued. "Be the widow. Give from what you have even if you don't."

"Even when I don't?" The question had been burning in my mind long before it scorched my tongue.

"It seems to me that God always provides abundantly. Above and beyond what you need. And if not, maybe your not asking for enough. You don't always have to give to all people. I think needs are important to remember here. Give to those in need. Not to sound callus but if someone doesn't have a need you can meet by giving maybe you don't have to give..."

"Owe no one anything except to love each other." I murmured.

He was a silent a while before replying. "The man who said that was but a disciple of the One who said... Well, a whole bunch of beautiful things about not worrying but rather trusting God and asking Him to meet your needs. And wants for that matter. 'How much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!'

"Sometimes sparrows seek out food. Sometimes they are fed by men. But if fed from one hand of God or the other they do not demur."

I tread water and thanked God that at least the ocean is warm in the South Pacific.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Provision through Providence

I’m leaving to go to the airport in a few hours. From here to LA to Australia to there. Kinda crazy to think that in less than two days I’ll be in Wewak Papua New Guinea. I know I haven’t put anything up here about my trip there or my plans. Sorry but that’s a story for another time. Today’s post is about provision. And Providence.

It turns out that traveling to the opposite side of the world (swapping both hemispheres) is a little bit more pricey than I counted on. As I began to get my ducks in a row to leave, I kept running into little costs and expenses that were quickly adding up. This culminated when I dropped off some prescriptions to be filled at Walgreens with no money, or plans to be able to pick them up.

After stressing about it for almost a day I finally asked God to give me peace which he promptly did. I said. “God, this is it. I have no money to pick up those medications and they’re kinda something I need to travel. Not only that but I’ve got visas, mandatory travel insurance and some other things I need money for. If you want me to go still, now’s the time to come through.” And He did.

My mom volunteered to pick up the medications for me, a couple of checks came in a pastor handed me $100 and at the end of all that grace I had almost $900. I was expecting it to cost me $2000 for the two months I’m planning on being in PNG. So no worries.

Then two things happened; I talked to my contact there and he told me (by the way) it would only cost me $500 a month for living expenses and my phone company returned me $200. Now I’m definitely in the black. But I guess God’s like Billy Mays because that’s not all.

I didn’t ask anyone for money, aside from God (and Him only haphazardly); but word got out and just before I got those two phone calls my brother-in-law offered to pay the thousand dollars I was still missing. I guess God’s got that money set for something else because now I don’t need it.

I rode around with Noah yesterday and told him all this. I’m still blessed by his reply. “I was gonna offer to pay whatever you still needed but I was waiting to see what God would do.” And this is what God did.

One more little thing. The last thing I need to do before I go is pick up some local currency (kinas) that I ordered. With exactly $1205 to my name I didn’t want to break a hundred just to buy $20 worth of kinas. I asked God and a little bit later my boss hands me $100 in twenties as “a bonus” Now I’m set for living expenses there and travel costs on the way.

All that to say, that God provides. It’s weird how I continually find it hard to trust Him despite how often He comes through for me. In every little thing I ask of Him He provides.

I generally don’t like sharing things like this but part of the reason why I asked God instead of people to provide was to prove how faithful He is. And now you know.